Note from the Pastor

We are in the midst of what is commonly called the dead of winter, the lull of Ordinary Time and the dark quiet time before the lengthening (Lent) of days to come. Those will be days of new beginnings, spiritual resolutions and action. Those days are not here yet. These are the days of quiet reflecting and taking our spiritual pulse so that we know what actions will be appropriate when the time comes.

In economics we have both leading and lagging indicators. They help us to determine appropriate actions to take for our future well being. In the spiritual life, we have leading and lagging spiritual indicators as well. One of the leading indicators of where we are in our spiritual life is what I call the “reaction principle.” How do I react, how fast do I react, how thoughtful are my reactions, and do I react at all?

There is a wonderful story about the syndicated columnist, Sydney Harris, who was a most thoughtful and insightful man. Everyday he would buy his newspaper from the same street vendor. Everyday the vendor, in a foul mouthed mood, would make some derogatory remark about Sydney’s previous day’s column. Every day, Sydney would smile, nod his head, thank him for the newspaper and bid him a wonderful day. One day, a companion observing this ritual asked Mr. Harris, “Is he that miserable every day?” “Ah, yes he is.” “And are you always that kind to him?” “Yes, pretty much that’s how I respond every day.” “Why?” “Because I’m an actor, not a reactor.”

There’s the principle. One of the ways to take our spiritual pulse is to watch our various responses to situations, people and stimuli. Do we react instantly out of our catalogue of preprogrammed responses, or do we choose to act in a different way? It all depends on whether we are spiritually conscious or unconscious. Most of us live 95% of our lives unconsciously. The work of the Spirit is to bring us to full consciousness, full awareness, and what the mystics call Christ consciousness.

Now there are times when we need to unconsciously react immediately to a stimulus-response. There are other times when no response is the best response. I drive a little Ford Focus and for the most part like it except for one glaring flaw. It has a serious blind spot on the driver’s side. No matter how intently I look in the side view mirror, there are times when I can not see the car crawling up next to me. Our night watchman, and member of my household, Butch Knudsen, insists there is no such thing. I just don’t know how to adjust the mirrors. Last week, as he was driving me to the airport on my aborted trip to Albuquerque (can you imagine New Mexico being snow bound?), he began his merge off of 290 East onto 294 South and all of a sudden, he made a radical swerve to the right, just missing the car merging the other way. Now that was a good reaction, instantaneous and instinctive. The first words out of my mouth, however, were not such a good reaction. Without even thinking, I blurted out from my preprogrammed categories, “I told you this car had a blind spot.” To which he had a reaction, not quite nuclear, but close. Let the games begin. And they did. What came out of both of our mouths was purely reactive babble, not too hurtful, but not really helpful either. We both spoke unconsciously from our reservoir, our pre-existing convictions, also known as our dark side.

Now, this rather innocuous story illustrates how we continue to react unconsciously. So, how do we take our spiritual pulse in this situation? We do it by employing our “observing witness.” The observing witness is almost like another person inside of ourselves that has the ability to watch our self while we are reacting. In truth, this is our truest self. When I am really frustrated and screw things up big time, I may find myself saying, “I can’t stand myself. I can’t live with myself.” Well, who is this “I” that can’t stand “myself?” It seems like there are almost two people there. Well, no, there is only one, but one is our idea of our self, our concept of our self, all of the cultural conditioning that makes us who we think we are. Thomas Merton called this the false self, or the little self, or the egoic self. The true self is who I really am before conditioning or culture, or before someone told me I was good or bad or smart or ugly. The observing witness simply is our true self watching, without judgment or emotion, how the little me is reacting. Now, I don’t quite know how this works, but it does. If you watch it long enough, without judging it or being frustrated by it, or even trying to change it, it begins to fade away. I imagine this happens because we are now bringing to consciousness, basically an unconscious reaction. And in the depth of our souls, we see silly it really is.

This is the time in between. It’s a great time to take our spiritual pulse. Is it beating?

In Jesus, the Whole Consciousness and Awareness of God,

Father Tony