I subscribe to an internet news service called Zenit (www.zenit.org). This service brings news from Rome and also contains articles of interest relating to Catholic faith. One recent article reported an interview with Jesslyn McManus, of the Institute for the Psychological Sciences, who presented her research on forgiveness therapy for the Society of Catholic Social Scientists. McManus shared her views on working through hatred and resentment in order to build a sense of self rooted in love. While the article is rather academic in its presentation, I found it to contain good food for reflection for all of us who have had difficulty with forgiveness in our lives. I am reprinting excerpts here with permission. - Mary Q: Many would agree that it is good to forgive one's enemies, and that forgiveness contributes to mental health. So why is it sometimes difficult to let go of anger or hatred toward those who have hurt us?
In recent years, forgiveness has come to be seen by many as an effective means to bring about psychological healing to those who are suffering from the effects of an injustice. Anger, whether outwardly expressed or defensively denied, is a reoccurring theme in psychotherapy. Forgiveness therapy is used in order to help people gradually let go of resentment and hatred, which causes stress and psychological pain. Given its vivacious quality, hatred has a powerful attraction which is difficult to resist. Although forgiveness contributes to mental health, it is sometimes difficult to let go of anger or hatred toward those who have hurt us because of the psychological "benefits" these emotional states provide. Pain or hurt is usually underlying anger or hatred. Therefore, hatred can be seen as a way to protect oneself from damage to one's self-image or concept. However, these "rewards," which are associated with egocentric gratification, only perpetuate hatred and impede psychological and spiritual health.
Q: What kinds of psychological benefits does hatred provide that makes it difficult to let go of?
Hatred can be used to defend against painful memories and emotions. As long as one hates, he or she does not have to confront or experience the underlying pain and suffering caused by the offender. It also keeps one from recognizing that one's self is flawed and that others have positive attributes. In addition, hatred may become so pronounced that it comes to provide a sense of meaning or purpose in one's life and makes one feel alive and powerful. In cases where intense hatred persists over a long period of time, it may also come to serve as a means of self-identification. A person may come to define himself in a negative way, by contrasting himself with the one he hates. Those who find themselves in this situation may experience an existential crisis and psychological pain manifested in the form of profound feelings of emptiness, upon letting go of the hatred. Q: What is it about our postmodern culture that leads people to latch onto hatred for a sense of identity, and how can a person move toward an accurate sense of self devoid of negative attitudes? In its forms of deconstruction as well as its rejection of universal truths, postmodern culture produces a society in which "knowing oneself" proves to be a difficult task. The absence of tradition and shared meaning and values characteristic of postmodern society has resulted in a fragile, empty sense of self. This condition leads people to turn to such things as consumerism to fill the vacant self. This lack of rootedness, combined with a fragmented sense of reality, makes it difficult for one to establish a firm sense of where one came from and who one is today. This sets up a context in which self- identification through hatred will flourish. A person can move toward an accurate sense of self devoid of negative attitudes by fulfilling their vocation as relational beings, who are made for love.
Q: What is the next step, after letting go of anger and hatred? What is the significance of "filling the void"?
Successful removal of the hatred may produce an existential void and the loss of sense of self. The hatred must be replaced with something engendering self- worth, namely, altruism -- that is, living a life of true Christian charity. The next step after letting go of anger and hatred, therefore, is to redefine oneself as a person who loves rather than one who hates, through acts of self-giving. The significance of "filling the void" is to provide the person with newfound meaning in their lives and a source of identity through love.
Q: In what sense do you equate altruistic activities with the virtue of Christian charity, or love?
Both altruism and Christian love involve self-giving, moving away from the self and toward others. This love was perfectly exemplified in Christ Jesus.
Q: How has altruistic behavior proven to be successful in improving mental health?
Many studies have shown that altruistic emotions and behaviors are associated with psychological health and well-being. Some of the factors which have been found to help bring about these psychological benefits are enhanced social integration, distraction from the agent's own problems, increased perception of self-efficacy and competence, and enhanced meaningfulness. Theologically, the idea that people are fulfilled in and through community with others is based on the idea that we are created in the image and likeness of a triune God whose very being is self- giving love.
A Vocation View When Jesus says, "If you wish to rank first, you must remain the last one of all and the servant of all." Many people could immediately turn and walk away. Are you willing to serve as Jesus did? Today is the Day Please Do Your Part Today Everyone is invited to gather in Barrett Hall after Mass this weekend to write letters to their representatives in Congress. Sample letters, paper, pens, & envelopes are provided. This year's Bread for the World (BFW) project is entitled One Spirit One Will Zero Poverty. It is part of the one campaign to reduce extreme poverty in the world. The purpose of this letter- writing campaign is to urge Congress to fund programs to help our hungry brothers and sisters. Our letters will be focused on funding for the Millennium Challenge Account (MCA). The MCA is a special U.S. effort to fund time-tested, poverty-focused development programs in countries committed to making a difference in the lives of their people. Over 800 million men, women, and children who are chronically undernourished are counting on us to rise to the challenge. Please come to Barrett Hall after Mass this weekend to write letters to members of congress. Elmhurst Catholic M.O.M.S. (Moms Offering Moms Support) Elmhurst Catholic M.O.M.S. is a social and spiritual organization that provides an opportunity for mothers of young children from Elmhurst Catholic parishes to meet other mothers. Bi-monthly meetings include one morning mother/child activity and an evening activity just for moms. There are no membership fees, and everyone is welcome. M.O.M.S. meets in Msgr. Plunkett Hall, lower level of the Immaculate Conception chapel, from 9:30 to 11:00 a.m., unless otherwise noted. On Thursday October 5, please join us for our "Hats off to Mom" event. Learn all about the many "hats" we wear as mothers and women at this very entertaining evening event! To RSVP and to receive time and location information, please contact Daisy at 630-379-367 or atdiakomiak@illinoisalumni.org. "Evening Under the Stars" Auction/Dinner Dance Plans are well underway for our 50th Anniversary "Evening Under the Stars" Auction/Dinner Dance, which will be held on Friday, November 3, 2006, at Alta Villa Banquets in Addison, Illinois. Letters have been sent to businesses and parishioners seeking donations for our Live and Silent Auctions. We are in need of people to help follow up on these letters. Many hands are needed to call and visit the businesses we have written to in an effort to obtain as many donations as possible. Do you have some time to spare to help us with this task? Without the help of willing parishioners, the task of obtaining items from businesses for the auction will make our efforts fruitless. WE NEED YOU! There are also many other areas where volunteers are needed: helping with decorations, parishioner donations, ticket sales, raffle tickets, etc. If you would be willing to help, we invite you to attend the next meeting or call Sheila Reiter at 630-833-6657 and let her know you are willing to help in a certain area. This is the ninth year for our "Evening Under the Stars" Auction/Dinner Dance any many are looking forward to a wonderful evening socializing with parishioners and friends, and the opportunity to purchase auction items at great prices that can be given as gifts for the holidays or special occasions. The proceeds from this benefit will be used to help support our Church Mission of reaching out to those who are hungry, sick and otherwise in need; supporting our youth who are the future of the Church and our world; and supporting the various ministries in our parish which allow us to live our lives through faith, hope, and loving service to all. Lands of the Bible Week 8 Synopsis The last week of our bible Study of the Holy Lands shows the results of Jesus' final commission - to spread the good news to the ends of the earth. It discusses the places of Paul's travels as well as the places of John's writings. English as a Second Language Literacy in Action DuPage offers English as a Second Language classes to adults who want to learn or improve their skills in the English language. If there is sufficient interest, classes will be offered at MQH starting in October. If you or someone you know would like to learn English or improve their English speaking skills, please contact the church office. Religious Education News A huge Thank You to our over 75 volunteer catechists, aides, office helpers, hall monitors, traffic monitors, etc. etc. It truly takes a village to share our faith with our children. We could not do it without you. We are truly blessed at Mary Queen. Reminder to all RE families and friends Classes for the 06/07 year began this past Wednesday, September 20th at the regular time sessions. We continue to accept registrations for this year. If you have not registered yet, do so now before it is too late. Pass the word to your friends and neighbors. With the start of RE, please be very cautious in the parking lot on Wednesday afternoons and evenings. Our Little ones and eve our not so little ones are our precious gifts from God. For more info on any of the above, please call Mary Ann Woods at the REO, 832-8962. St. Vincent DePaul The St. Vincent DePaul Committee will hold its monthly meeting on : Thursday, September 28th 7:30 - 8:30 p.m. in the Conference Room off Mary's Gathering Space. Anyone interested in working with this ministry is invited to come.. For more information, please call Sheila Reiter at 833-6657. Christian Worship Commission Prayer Requests To pray for our sick is an important privilege of our parish family. We hope that you will pray for these persons every day. Natalie Baker Pam Bondfide Heather Brennan Kathleen Bryers Doresa Brugler Pat Caffarelli Rose Caffarelli Kathy Calzante Cosmore Ciancio Dennis Ciancio Paul Cirone Margaret Conroy Cynthia Catalano Family Ida Corriedo Trudi Dolato Baby Dobrowolski Virginia Feret Modesta Goggins Mary Hagerty Anna Heffel Jen Huwalt Tom Huwalt Pat Holmes Michelle Humann Maureen James Kathy Johnston Irene Kmieciak Bernadette Kohn Tim Kowalski Baby Emma Lynde Robert Manion Dennis McCabe Raymond Mitchell Fred Moss Bobbi Nannini Geri Pstrzoch Baby Faith Reid Robert Restivo Della Schroedl Joaquina Scroppo Jess Smith Mary Spierowski Rachael Thompson Cathy Ward Rest In Peace Barbara Jean Cristoe If you or a family member would like to be included in our prayers, please call the rectory at 279-5700. Also, please let us know when a name should be removed. Effective Choices, Effective Parenting Offering a variety of workshops and seminars to assist you in becoming the parent you want to be. Building Effective Relationships with Our Difficult Children September 26, 7 - 9 p.m. for parents of children with ADD/ADHD This two-hour workshop strengthens parents' skills to interact effectively with children who are suspected to have symptoms of ADD or who have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. Building Effective Relationships with Our Teens October 3, 7-9 p.m. For parents of children ages 13-19 This two-hour workshop teaches participants practical, usable skills and insights on how to parent effectively during the challenging teen years. Both workshops will be held at: Catholic Charities, 26 W. St. Charles Rd, Lombard, IL. The cost is $20 per person; or $25 per couple. Please call the instructor, James Gilligan, MSW, LSW, at 630.710.8226 for more information or to register. Pre-registration is required. Have You Lost a Loved One to Suicide? Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Joliet offers a program called L.O.S.S. (Loving Outreach to Survivors of Suicide) in order to help those grieving a death by suicide of a family member or close friend. A group for the newly bereaved and/or new members will meet for 10 weeks, from 7:00 to 9:00 p.m., beginning September 28 and following every Thursday night through January 11. The group will meet at St. Francis of Assisi, 1501 W. Boughton Road in Bolingbrook. To register, or for more information, call 800-240-7011 before September 25. A minimum of 10 people are needed to convene the group. Diocesan News Parenting Classes October 7 through November 11 6 Saturdays from 10 a.m. to Noon Offered by Catholic Charities of the Joliet Diocese Are you a stressed out parent who wants to learn effective discipline, communication and better ways to deal with your children? Classes will be held at 26 W. St. Charles Road in Lombard and are $20 per class or $25 per couple per class. To register, or for more information, call Catholic Charities toll-free intake line at 1-800-240-7011. Food For Revival Healing Meals One night nearly four years ago my youngest sister's wonderful, seemingly virile 40-year-old husband died, leaving his wife, 7-year-old son, 4-year-old daughter, and soon-to-be-born child. The pain, utter despair, sadness and numbness of this life-changing event, flogged us with instant realities that dominated each minute of each day. Only with the passing of time did we realize the blessings among the horrific tragedy. Our eyes, though wearier than ever, still saw the goodness and comfort that came from the rallying efforts of truly generous and kind neighbors and parishioners who provided a basic necessity: loving, nourishing, healing meals for my sister's mourning family. Dinnertime hits right when all the energy you could muster for the day begins to fade and the foreboding loneliness of nightfall creeps in. If it were not for these miracle workers, my sister's family simply would not have functioned. With this same spirit and intention, we are "officially" establishing a Healing Meals ministry. I humbly ask each person in the parish who wishes to make a small but significant contribution to another, to reach out and offer a meal to the hurting, the numb. If and when a fellow parishioner experiences illness or loss, we will collectively share the happy experience of providing a meal that truly heals. Great cooking skills are not required. Nutritious, hearty carry-out food or a restaurant gift certificate is equally appreciated. If you will please contact me at jamjdm@aol.com with your name, phone number and email address, I will add you to the list, provide you with the simple details of the ministry program, and then contact you---a miracle worker---for the gift of a nourishing healing meal for a family truly in need. Thank you for your consideration and help. Jill Adams McDonough YOU can be the one to HELP!! The Catholic Construction Corps project of our Diocese is soliciting volunteers to participate in helping to repair homes damaged by the Katrina hurricane. Our parish Peace and Justice committee has been given the responsibility to coordinate our parish efforts. We have been able to secure several additional time slots for volunteers to participate in recovery efforts. If you were unable to volunteer for previous trips, here are some additional opportunities. All trips are for one week. In most cases the volunteers will be traveling on Sat. and Sun. and returning on the following Sat. and Sun. The dates given below include travel days: Oct. 7 through Oct. 15 Oct. 21 through Oct. 29 Nov. 11 through Nov. 19 If you are interested, please call Rosalie and Milt Honel, parishioners, at 279-7086. We would be delighted to share our experience with you or answer your questions. These Diocesan Katrina recovery trips are wonderful opportunities to "walk the talk." We need just one more person to help in Gr. 7 at 5:15. Please consider joining our team of dedicated men and women just like yourself who weekly share their Faith with the young people of the parish. Christian Service Commission Yoga at Mary Queen, Welcomes all ages, including teenagers. If you have not tried Yoga yet, come and try it out. Yoga is scheduled right after CCD class at 8:30 p.m. A New Class starts Wednesday, October 4 For four Wednesday nights 8:30 to 9:30 p.m. 4 classes, $16 per person or 4 classes, $24 per family (ages 14 thru adult) Call Debbie at 941-7224 or e-mail debbie@styka. Required: Please bring a non-slip yoga mat (can be purchased at Sport Authority, TG-MAX, etc. for $10-$20, sometimes available at Sears, Target) What is Alzheimer's Disease? Presented by Fran Hankin, Director of Programs and Services for the Alzheimer Organization Saturday, September 30 at 10:00 a.m. At Elmhurst City Hall, 209 North York This presentation will provide you with a clearer understanding of: * How this disease can affect you and your family * The warning signs of Alzheimer's disease * The approaches to care * Ways to Maintain your brain Parish Picnic Update Another year, another parish picnic! Our parish picnic on Sunday was well attended, and the food was great. We had some old time parishioners attend who hadn't been back for many years and everyone especially the children enjoyed the "moon jumps", bingo games, face painting and other activities. Our 50th Anniversary Cookbooks arrived, thanks to Ellen Walker and Mary Nanak for their hard work putting it together. We have already sold half of what we ordered. The books are available for $15 each and can be purchased the weekend of our Ministry Fair, to be held on October 14/15. Our preschool committee had a table at the picnic to answer any questions people might have, and the John Michael Talbot Committee had a table where tickets to the Concert could be purchased. We also sold and took orders for our "Spirit Clothing", had the Memorabilia Room open and held a Dessert Bake-Off Contest. Special thanks goes to Bob Glick, Ed Hayes, Tom Gusloff, Bill McGing, Dave McCall, Phylis Twardowski, Mary White, and Rose McVitti for their help in organizing this event and to the Rhea Family for their generous donations of equipment. Also, a special note of appreciation to Kathleen Gusloff and the Youth Group, all the men from our Men's Group and anyone who helped with the picnic by working before with set-up, during the afternoon and helping with clean-up. Mayslake Village Fall Bazaar Saturday, October 7, at 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Sunday, October 8, at Noon to 4 p.m. Senior Center, at 1801 35th Street, Oak Brook Il You are cordially invited to Mayslake Village's 42nd Annual Bazaar! We will have homemade bakery, and many selections in knits, ceramics, flower arrangements, jewelry and crafts. Visa and MC accepted. Mayslake Village is on 35th Street between Route 83 and Midwest Road, south of 31st Street and north of Ogden Avenue. For information or directions, contact Mary Ann Vacek at 630-920- 0264.